Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Whats next?

Aside from the obvious and most necessary (overdue) sleep- just curious and ready for whatever is coming next. Even though to the untrained eye I may not seem to be much better off than where I was a year ago- I feel like everything I've been through since has seriously matured me and prepared me to take accountability for myself and the direction that I'm headed. As my aunt lovingly reminded me this evening- I'm starting from "below ground zero"

So heres to breaking even again soon- and whatever is waiting for me around the next bend

"I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship." -Louisa May Alcott

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Things to do before im 25

hike in the mtns with shadow
learn to play a song on guitar
(and sing it at the same time)
buy my own car
get my cell phone turned back on

take my bike to the beach?

something. .

28 days, countdown begins


check it out here
via desert fete

Thursday, March 25, 2010


scandinavian magic, from emmas

The More

the merrier

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Goodnight Moon

So Tired

thanks for the moon and djarums (even tho my throat hurts) and my dad (even tho hes mostly mean and snoring on the other side of the wall) other blogs (for being beautiful) music (for making me feel alive) and peeps (new friends and their beautiful smiles) plus shadow puffing and dreaming in front of my door and for hardees even tho u cant call me in the morning and say "hey im coming over"

please help me get a car soon so i can get to work and remind my dad to turn on my phone so i can text again and dont have to stress about being stranded downtown



The King of Carrot Flowers
Part Two

I love you Jesus Christ
Jesus Christ I love you
Yes I do

I love you Jesus Christ
Jesus Christ I love you
Yes I do

And on the lazy days
The dogs dissolve and drain away
The world it goes
And all awaits
The day we are awaiting

Neutral Milk Hotel

Brand New- Jesus Christ
Tori Amos- Precious Things + Smells Like Teen Spirit
Modest Mouse- Jesus Christ Was An Only Child
The Jesus and Mary Chain- Hole
Bob Dylan- In My Time of Dying
Ben Harper- Picture of Jesus
Lauren Hill- To Zion
Elliott Smith- Last Call

Cat Power- You May Know Him

Oh Lord, heaven is the name that you sent me
Oh Lord, heaven is the name you gave him
and then you came to life, and lived
all others strange because
who could have thought that you
meant so much to me

Oh Lord, heaven is the name you gave him
suprised by the rise in sin
and you came through, over and over again
Hmm Lord, heaven is the place that you sent him
and you may know him, you may know him

only you

Hmm Lord, I've never doubted for an instant
if we did what you say
and we do it every day
every day what you say
and we do it every day
Oh Lord, heaven is the place you believed in
it's all you can do

Oh Lord, heaven is the name that you sent me
suprised by the rise in sin
Oh Lord, you came through, you came through

Saturday, March 20, 2010


I think I could learn to play this on the guitar


my father moved through dooms of love
through sames of am through haves of give,
singing each morning out of each night
my father moved through depths of height

this motionless forgetful where
turned at his glance to shining here;
that if(so timid air is firm)
under his eyes would stir and squirm

newly as from unburied which
floats the first who,his april touch
drove sleeping selves to swarm their fates
woke dreamers to their ghostly roots

and should some why completely weep
my father's fingers brought her sleep:
vainly no smallest voice might cry
for he could feel the mountains grow.

Lifting the valleys of the sea
my father moved through griefs of joy;
praising a forehead called the moon
singing desire into begin

joy was his song and joy so pure
a heart of star by him could steer
and pure so now and now so yes
the wrists of twilight would rejoice

keen as midsummer's keen beyond
conceiving mind of sun will stand,
so strictly(over utmost him
so hugely) stood my father's dream

his flesh was flesh his blood was blood:
no hungry man but wished him food;
no cripple wouldn't creep one mile
uphill to only see him smile.

Scorning the Pomp of must and shall
my father moved through dooms of feel;
his anger was as right as rain
his pity was as green as grain

septembering arms of year extend
yes humbly wealth to foe and friend
than he to foolish and to wise
offered immeasurable is

proudly and(by octobering flame
beckoned)as earth will downward climb,
so naked for immortal work
his shoulders marched against the dark

his sorrow was as true as bread:
no liar looked him in the head;
if every friend became his foe
he'd laugh and build a world with snow.

My father moved through theys of we,
singing each new leaf out of each tree
(and every child was sure that spring
danced when she heard my father sing)

then let men kill which cannot share,
let blood and flesh be mud and mire,
scheming imagine,passion willed,
freedom a drug that's bought and sold

giving to steal and cruel kind,
a heart to fear,to doubt a mind,
to differ a disease of same,
conform the pinnacle of am

though dull were all we taste as bright,
bitter all utterly things sweet,
maggoty minus and dumb death
all we inherit,all bequeath

and nothing quite so least as truth
--i say though hate were why men breathe--
because my Father lived his soul
love is the whole and more than all

e e cummings


Gray dames from J Crew sale

Thursday, March 18, 2010


Mizue Hirano
via Design is Mine

mykonos live

Tuesday, March 9, 2010



Laughing With

But God can be funny
At a cocktail party when listening to a good God-themed joke, or
Or when the crazies say He hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they’re ‘bout to choke
God can be funny,
When told he’ll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus
God can be so hilarious

Saturday, March 6, 2010

. . . and the Whale

A few days ago I had a dream that me and 2 other people were swimming, kind of floating/ cruising on top of the water in this huge lake- Like we were boats or something- but I'm pretty sure we weren't in boats. Then we saw a whale and he splashed his tail up and down and got some water on my face. Even though I was already surrounded by water I got really excited that the whale splashed me- like it was some sort of spiritual baptism. I was so happy that the whale decided to splash me, I felt special.

To see water in your dream, symbolizes your unconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche and the flow of life energy. It is also symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing and refreshment. To see a whale in your dream, represents your intuition and awareness. You are in tuned to your sense of spirituality. Alternatively, it indicates a relationship or business project that is too enormous to handle. You may be feeling overwhelmed.

I had to wait a few days to find this out because old trusty wasn't working properly. Not that I needed it to tell me I'm feeling overwhelmed for that is quite obvious. I just had another crazy dream last night, filled with insecurities and examples of how crappy I feel about myself.

Just a snippet- I was waiting for someone at a resturaunt kind of slumped over and depressed. The waitress came over to me and said there was a dentist across the booth from me, who didn't want to look at me anymore- so I had to leave. .

To see a waiter in your dream, suggests that you are in need of nurturance and to feel special. To dream that you are waiting, is indicative of issues of power/control and feelings of dependence/independence, especially in a relationship. Consider how you feel in the dream while you were waiting. If you are patient, then you know things will happen at their own pace. Alternatively, the dream may denote your expectations and anxieties about some unknown situation or decision. There is a sense of anticipation. You are ready to take action.

(Whales from


I feel like some of this is most necessary. .
Records+ Dancing on the rug barefoot + Sleeping in the green room?


Friday, March 5, 2010

Loving This

I am loving this eco friendly dress by Sublet- also
I think that is where my tattoo needs to go, no?


My dad wants me to get a jeep like this.