Moving Day

I just found some pictures I took last year when we were "spring cleaning"- rather, vacating our apartment after the cancer tornado hit. I documented well the items we were selling, and then put the camera down. Not sure why I didn't take at least one picture of my room, because it was adorable. Not sure why I didn't move the penguin out of the way. I was taking a picture of the rug.

Seems like the past 4 moves have been so abrupt there wasn't ever time to spruce up and notate the surroundings. Which is super depressing, since I rarely get to decorate anything (assholes). But once the boxes get picked up from the liquor store its all over. Once the Uhaul is rented its time to bust-ass. And the last time all I took was a backpack. Everything changes so quickly. Here I am in my blue room in SC with a pew and a hand-me down bed from a 7 year olds room. Who could have planned this? But I'm not bitter. Its pretty. (you'll see when I get a new camera for my birthday. ok?)

Shadow got this penguin from Anthropologie. One day we walked up the block to shop with hard earned Gap money- and he carried it home in his mouth.
(goodtimes)

Whats next?

Aside from the obvious and most necessary (overdue) sleep- just curious and ready for whatever is coming next. Even though to the untrained eye I may not seem to be much better off than where I was a year ago- I feel like everything I've been through since has seriously matured me and prepared me to take accountability for myself and the direction that I'm headed. As my aunt lovingly reminded me this evening- I'm starting from "below ground zero"

So heres to breaking even again soon- and whatever is waiting for me around the next bend

"I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship." -Louisa May Alcott

. . . and the Whale

A few days ago I had a dream that me and 2 other people were swimming, kind of floating/ cruising on top of the water in this huge lake- Like we were boats or something- but I'm pretty sure we weren't in boats. Then we saw a whale and he splashed his tail up and down and got some water on my face. Even though I was already surrounded by water I got really excited that the whale splashed me- like it was some sort of spiritual baptism. I was so happy that the whale decided to splash me, I felt special.

To see water in your dream, symbolizes your unconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche and the flow of life energy. It is also symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing and refreshment. To see a whale in your dream, represents your intuition and awareness. You are in tuned to your sense of spirituality. Alternatively, it indicates a relationship or business project that is too enormous to handle. You may be feeling overwhelmed.

I had to wait a few days to find this out because old trusty dreammoods.com wasn't working properly. Not that I needed it to tell me I'm feeling overwhelmed for that is quite obvious. I just had another crazy dream last night, filled with insecurities and examples of how crappy I feel about myself.

Just a snippet- I was waiting for someone at a resturaunt kind of slumped over and depressed. The waitress came over to me and said there was a dentist across the booth from me, who didn't want to look at me anymore- so I had to leave. .

To see a waiter in your dream, suggests that you are in need of nurturance and to feel special. To dream that you are waiting, is indicative of issues of power/control and feelings of dependence/independence, especially in a relationship. Consider how you feel in the dream while you were waiting. If you are patient, then you know things will happen at their own pace. Alternatively, the dream may denote your expectations and anxieties about some unknown situation or decision. There is a sense of anticipation. You are ready to take action.

(Whales from Etsy.com)

Tunes

Lovely day! Goodmorning all. Waffled with the girls and did their hair and sent them off. Since I was out till 2 having myself a good ol time I certainly wish I hadnt woken up so early, but it had to be done. And they're so cute when they say things like "so every time we come over you'll be here? cuz you used to live far away and we never got to see you." So cute.

Shadow and I are Pandora-ing. So heres a little "MOOOD music" for ya

Love and Communication/ The Cat
Rueben/ Cathy Davey
For Today/ Avett Brothers (ok peeps im listening)
Concerning the UFO Sighting Near Highland, IL/ Sufjan Stevens
Tiger Mountain Peasant Song/ Fleet Foxes
Heartbeats/ Jose Gonzalez
Mexico City/ Jolie Holland

And of course to me any Radiohead from Bonnaroo 2006 is just mindbending. Watch that guy dance and try to sit still. I dare you.

So

I start my new job on monday. Ill have to work a full week 8-5 for training (including 5 hours next saturday) and then Ill be on second shift starting somewhere in the afternoon and getting off at midnight. I really should have gone out to celebrate last night, on my LAST free friday for who knows how long. But the crappy weather kept me inside and now I can't shake this feeling of wanting to explode out of my skin with boredom and anxiety.

But today I have to make chicken pot pies, and help my cousin with her paper, and go watch my nana from 3-5. Then I have to come back home and help my cousin make study guides. Hopefully after that I can "blow this pop stand" and enter into the wild night.

I hate having the pressure of something ahead, a time limit, and even though I've been obsessing about it all week I still did the opposite of what I wanted. sigh.

One step at a time. .

I hope tomorrow goes better than today. I just got completely overwhelmed with everything. As I explained it to my Dad- "When you can't even get little things straightened out, it just makes the bigger things seem impossible". So I'm completely exhaused in every way and only have tomorrow to relax. Wednesday is my Fantastic Mr.Fox movie date with kids extrodinaire, Thursday (stuffing thy thankful face) and Friday packing and cleaning dog hair out of the car. Then Saturday the wagon train moves westward again. .

Leaving the Party

So I'm going to take a little break from this blog. It's becoming counterproductive now since I stay up way too late on the computer and I really need to be sleeping more. I have been really busy but still need to focus on getting things done while I can (we go back to Arkansas in 2 weeks). I also don't want to jeapordize my content by being sleepy and just putting up something for the sake of it. There are many other amazing blogs out there, so I'll update/ expand my blog list to keep you warm while I'm away. .

Thanks to those few of you who have been reading.
See you soon.

Leaving Little Rock

This weekend we will be freed from our hospital routine! But we are scheduled back for more on December 1st. I'd love to take a vacation, get a new camera, work on projects, read good books, get my hair chopped off . .

Until then here is my favoritest photo of a Moroccan inspired bedroom from a blog I found recently-Indian Summer. I love how the bed is up on the platform, and Shadow could sleep right at my feet on that rug. The windows are probably the best part, perfect for the birds and I to sing through.

Blog Un-Love

So, I love looking at new blogs. There is a lot of cool stuff out there that I wouldn't otherwise find out about. But, I have some beef. There are some things that just make me super depressed. Like 1,000 pumpkins in a field spelling out will you marry me, and that ladys shameless photo of her 2 new books, that is really just showing off a picture of her and her cute husband. Oh, people. I am so glad you have hearts full of love and babies that you think are the most amazing creatures in the world. Or you have busy weekends hanging out with all your friends. But not everybody has that. Some of us have nothing. And maybe it is common sense that you shouldn't look at wedding blogs for 2 hours if you just got dumped, it's probably obvious that will make you want to die. So, point taken. I will turn my head aside and try to be more positive about my future. I just wish some of you gals would try to do more positive things with your blogs and for your readers, instead of just bragging about new furniture and exciting weekends away.

The Bean- 100th Post!

My Dad asked me the other day what the "bean" meant in my tagline (a girl, a dog, a bean, a blog) so I told him I just didn't know what to name my blog- and I wanted it originally to be about eco-friendly design and sustainable objects. (green-bean). But I haven't even posted about any thus far!

Then last night I was thinking maybe it's more a magic bean. The bean represents a place where I can assemble anything I like. And it hasn't changed me. I'm not sad I can't buy 200$ feather hair bands. I don't want this to be like every other blog where these girls are just so freaking happy and in love with the world and they write "I want this" under everything. It can get kinda gross.

This blog is the one place I can edit and control- separate from the outside the world, which seems at this time to be pretty harsh and disappointing. But I know things will change, and something is bound to work out for me eventually. I'm so glad I've had this blog to distract me when things have been really tough, and I hope if you look through it you won't even be able to tell how heartbroken I've been. When I'm here I try not to think about any of that. I'm just attempting to keep myself inspired with things that I love! I hope it does the same for you.

I've also got a little project cooking up my sleeve, and we'll see if I can use this humble podium to contribute even more to the "community". But you'll have to stick around for that later.

So all in all- Congratulations to my little bean, and whatever it is growing into. 100th post, woot!

Window Seat

I am seriously in love with window seats. For my bedroom remodel project in Maryland I proposed one for underneath a double window (with custom bookshelves flanking it of course), but now it looks like I'll be in Little Rock with my Dad for another month at least. More time to find ideas and inspiration though right?

Yesterday while my Dad was getting his chemo at UAMS I slept on a brown cushion next to him in a small window seat. That unfortunately looked nothing like this one. But it was still waay better than a chair!

Image from Desire to Inspire.

Big Crush

So it's pretty obvious I have a huge crush on Charles Lang Freer- founder of the first Smithsonian Art Gallery. Another great artist represented in his collection is Dwight William Tryon. His paintings hung in the gallery capture the colorful stillness of the landscape perfectly, but also the excitement and beauty of it.

Whistler Engravings

James McNeill Whistler was able to carve these remarkably expressive and detailed scenes of England in his lap, on a metal plate, as if it were a sketchbook. Then using a feather he encouraged acid to deepen those lines. Well you wouldn't expect him to slack off now would you? At the Freer Art Gallery's exhibition they even explained how Whistler had a penchant for fine Dutch paper, which had the rich color that gave the prints warmth and didn't have an outer coating that would interfere with the ink. Whistler was very influenced by Asian art during this time- hence the similarity to traditional woodblock prints.

Giraffes

I had a weird dream a while ago about riding around in a jeep with some 'friends'. They clipped a giraffes leg, and I got out to dab it and console him. I saw on f-book my friend was interpreting small symbols in her dreams with the help of dreammoods.com. Heres what it told me: To see a giraffe in your dream suggests you need to see the overall picture. Take a broader view on your life and where it's headed.

Shit.

Image from Giraffe Manor. A place in Nairobi where Giraffes can stick their heads in and steal your breakfast.

The "New Antiquarians"

Who needs windows when you have deer heads and stuffed swans? These photos are from a New York Times article about collectors and purveyors of the "New Vintage" style. Sisters Hollister and Porter live in this windowless loft located, where else, but Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Although the Times doesn't quite take them seriously you can tell by their grins that they do. I really like the black paint and the setup of all their little vignettes, but overall I prefer to surround myself with live animals. I don't think my cats would be quite simpatico with a stuffed duck.

Holy Wow

I was cruising the website for Canadian House and Home and came across this intense little bungalow, that belongs to a designer for the magazines merchandise department. They have packed all this color and style into just 900 square feet. For some reason the article title described this home as "charming"- so I was shocked when I saw the dramatic color palette and bright yellow accents. Personally I think it's a little too trendy to be practical, but it certainly is fun!

Eye glasses (a tale of woe)

I went to SEE, a sweet boutique glasses shop in Hillsboro Village (Nashville) yesterday - to have my crooked and beat up pair of dkny metal frames adjusted. Of course I tried on a few chic plastic frames and fell in love. Then, later as I gently nudged them my glasses completely broke and the right side ear piece dislodged! Oyve. Did he do this to me on purpose? So I had to immediately return and refresh my face and sight? Oh wouldn't it be lovely. .

The pretty girl with the tortoiseshells came from someones blog, I think I found the cat image on google. Photo of moi- xmas 2007 when my glasses were new. .

hello blue monday. .

I didn't get as much accomplished today as I would've liked. (What a surprise.) I did listen to lots of jazz this morning and get the apartment cleaned up a bit though. Since the weather is absolutely perfect I'm going to take Shadow out now- but I couldn't leave without at least one post for the day.

At the National Gallery of Australia website there is an amazing article on Helen Frankenthaler and a virtual walk through of her new exhibition of woodcuts. Which is pretty cool since she, like most other color field painters, previously relied on raw canvas to absorb and hold the color. I also like how she scratched into the wood, and the background of grain is much more stimulating than plain white.

The site was pretty annoying to be honest- I had to scroll in and reload the page several times on a "virtual gallery" wall to get to just one image- but the concept was helpful especially sense it in essence would allow you to view each and every piece included in the show. If you were patient. Overall I thought 'Madame Butterfly' to be entirely superior to the others. So here it is-your moment of zen :)

Look at the birdie

I just saw an ad for a new Kurt Vonnegut collection of short stories- only available in e book format! I am a big fan of pages, but you can read the same thing for $1.99 instead of $14 if you leave them out. I am also (obviously) a big fan of Mr.V- who mingles social/political commentary, humor, and creativity seamlessly. and now pagelessly. The e book Look at the Birdie was published August, 25.

I got the image of Slaughterhouse 5 covers from here. And I'll throw in a really old cover of player piano, along with the current cover for Sirens of Titan available on Amazon. I really like the purple and yellow combination. (Apparently the eyes are a recurring theme.)